


Repeating Days

by malskira



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: ...or is it??, Angst, Confessions, Cursed Jaskier | Dandelion, Curses, Emotionally Constipated Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, M/M, Non-Human Jaskier | Dandelion, Oblivious Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Soft Jaskier | Dandelion, Unrequited Love, basically just groundhog day, feelings are hard for geralt ok, the mountain did happen bc angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:08:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23422960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malskira/pseuds/malskira
Summary: He woke up to not feel a comfortable bed beneath him but instead a hard ground. Maybe I fell onto the floor, Jaskier thought. He didn't think much of it until he felt a small bag hit his face.It was the same way he was woken up the morning previous. He opened his eyes to find the same bag sitting on his chest. He was surrounded by woods. The same woods he was in yesterday.---or; Jaskier is cursed to repeat the same day over and over again until he can break it.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 53
Kudos: 619





	1. Chapter 1

Jaskier was woken up as pack was thrown on his face. He opened his eyes to find a small bag on his chest. 

He sat up, wincing slightly as pain shot through his back. _That's what will happen if you sleep on a shitty forest ground_ , Jaskier thought.

"It's bread. You need to eat. We're leaving soon." Geralt said. 

Jaskier nodded, beginning to eat. The lack of response made Geralt give the bard a strange look. The witcher seemed to immediately brush it off, but Jaskier could've sworn he saw a hint of concern and confusion on his face.

That was reasonable though as Jaskier was always chatty, even in the mornings. There was never a time where Jaskier wasn't talking. Jaskier liked to call it part of his charm, but Geralt would strongly disagree, saying how it was merely just another one of his annoying ones. 

Jaskier had a reason to not respond. If he had to admit it, he was quite nervous.

Tonight was the night. Jaskier was finally going to tell Geralt what he wanted to tell him ever since he started travelling with him. 

The thing with Jaskier was he wasn't completely human. His father had an affair with a woman, but he wasn't aware of the fact that she was a siren. 

Jaskier was lucky in terms of being half human and half siren. He couldn't really lull anyone into a trance with ease, but he could if he used all his strength. He had an amazing voice and also aged at a very slow rate. 

Crossing human with monster genes often goes wrong, and the child often is harmed because of the new DNA. But not Jaskier. People weren't lying or wrong when they said Jaskier was one of a kind, they just didn't know how right they were. 

Jaskier always meant to tell Geralt but never got around to it. The timing was never right. While he'd never admit it, he was terrified of how Geralt would react. Jaskier was the type of creature Geralt would hunt and kill. Would he do the same to Jaskier?

Deep down, Jaskier knew Geralt would never kill him, he'd only send him away, and Jaskier definitely didn't want that either. Traveling with Geralt was the best thing that's ever happened to him, so it hurt to think of that ending so soon.

He thought Geralt would've figured it out at some point. He is a witcher after all. Maybe the human part masked the siren, or maybe Geralt didn't pay enough attention to the bard to ever pick up on it. 

Jaskier was positive it was the latter. 

The bard was also smart enough to know that the longer he delayed this, the worse Geralt's reaction will be. That's why he has it all planned out for tonight. 

They're going to go to the tavern, have a nice meal, go back to one of their rooms at the inn, and then Jaskier is going to sit Geralt down and tell him. 

Jaskier even made sure to get his own room to give Geralt space. It was rare that they ever got two rooms. They always got one room with two beds.

He pictured the other man's confusion as he asked for two rooms instead of one. Geralt's eyes filled with confusion as he tilted his head to the side like a puppy.

Jaskier's heart swelled at the sight. For a man who's supposed to be so brooding and scary, he is awfully adorable and soft. Two words Geralt would not hesitate to cut a person's head off if they ever used them to describe him, but it was the truth. Or at least Jaskier thought so. 

And so here they were, sitting in a tavern. They were sitting across from each other. The silence between them was almost deafening to Jaskier, but he had a feeling it was relieving to Geralt. 

"Well, better go earn us some coin for tonight," Jaskier stood up, "and steal some hearts, of course." 

Jaskier threw a wink Geralt's way as he stood up, gathering everyone's attention. The wink only earned a scoff from Geralt, but it was clear he was trying to hide a smirk on his face.

He played for quite a bit before asking for requests.

"Play something sad for us, bard." A man asked.

Jaskier took a deep breath and prepared for what he was about to sing. He'd never played it for anyone before, especially not Geralt. The song was about him. 

More specifically, it was about him and Yennefer. How their relationship destroyed any hope Jaskier had for being with the man he's been hopelessly in love with for over the past decade.

_"The fairer sex, they often call it,but her love's as unfair as a crook.  
It steals all my reason, commits every treason of logic, with naught but a look.  
A storm raging on the horizon   
Of longing and heartache and lust.  
She's always bad news, it's always lose, lose,   
so tell me, love, tell me, love, how is that just?"_

Jaskier sung, but his voice threatened to break. He felt Geralt's eyes on him throughout the whole performance. It wasn't unusual for Geralt to watch him perform, but this time it felt so raw.

Geralt's stare felt like it was eating Jaskier whole. When Jaskier's eyes caught his, they were filled with something mixed with a hint of sadness, but Jaskier couldn't put his finger on it.

The tavern erupted with applause once he finished. He sung Toss a Coin as his closer, and toss a coin they did.

Jaskier sat back down smiling. He looked at Geralt who was drinking his ale once again. 

"So, what did you think?" Jaskier said as he prepared himself for a harsh comment about his voice.

Surprisingly, what Jaskier got as a reply was a, "You did well."

It was so quiet Jaskier almost thought he imagined it. His chest filled with warmth as he smiled widely, a smile only Geralt seemed to pull out of him.

Jaskier fell in love with every person he met, but Geralt was different. He had never felt like this. He felt as if meeting the witcher was part of his fate. Part of his destiny.

He'd never say that. Geralt would only scoff in reply.

"Don't let that get to your head. You're already the furthest thing from a humble bard." Geralt spoke before sipping from his ale.

Jaskier pretended to be offended, slapping a hand dramatically across his chest, "I am hurt, Geralt. Truly, is that how you think of me? I wrote into my song as a humble bard because I am. Describe what kind of bard would I be if I made something up like that."

"In two words?"

"Yes. Go right ahead, my dear witcher. Tell me"

"Julian Pankratz."

Jaskier made an expression like the one he made at the lake right before the djinn incident, "You wound me, Geralt. I truly regret telling you my actual name now. Remind me again why I ever did that?"

Geralt smirked, holding back a laugh as he looked up, so his eyes met Jaskier's. Jaskier could see very clearly the look of fondness in his eyes. There was a softness to them as well, but Jaskier could swear he was imagining that as well. 

"That song. Who was it about." 

Jaskier was caught of guard, "What?"

"The sad one you played. Whoever it was about must've really wrecked you. Who was it about?" Geralt asked, leaning slightly over to become closer to Jaskier.

"You're awfully chatty tonight, aren't you? What did they put in your ale?" Jaskier was desperate to change the topic.

He was pretty sure Geralt could sense this because he dropped it. Geralt pressed no further. They fell back into a silence.

Before the bard could break it to start his confession, Geralt spoke.

"We have a contract tomorrow. It's not too far, so we can come back here after."

Jaskier couldn't help but smile at Geralt's phrasing of _we_ , "Of course. What are we hunting?"

Geralt scoffed, "I'm hunting. You will just be in the general vicinity. But it's a siren."

"Are-are you going to kill it?" Jaskier's voice was quiet, almost breaking. 

"It's a monster who's hurting people, Jaskier. What else would I do?"

Jaskier felt as if the air had been knocked out of his lungs, "Right, you're right. I just-I need some fresh air, I'll be back."

He moved quickly, almost at a running pace, out of the tavern. He sat on a nearby bench. He put his head in his hands, attempting to slow his breathing and to stop the tears from coming out.

"You alright there, love?"

Jaskier looked up to see an older woman. He immediately recognized her from the tavern.

"Oh, you're that lovely bard from the tavern. What's got you so down on this lovely night?" The woman spoke.

Jaskier took a deep breath, "I was a coward and didn't tell someone something important." He laughed dryly, "I'm just a coward around hi-that individual." 

He caught himself before the pronouns slipped. The woman seemed sweet, but he didn't know how she'd react if she misinterpreted his words.

"Well, that's very vague, but all I can ask is how do you wish you would've done it?" She asked.

Jaskier briefly wondered why she was so interested in his life, but he still answered, "I just want to repeat this day and not cower out of it. I just want to get it right."

"And is this what you desire to tell him most? Over everything else?"

"Yes." Jaskier replied without a second thought.

The woman smiled, "I hope it works well for you." Was all she said before she left.

Jaskier was left even more confused than when the conversation started. It had been the truth. 

When comparing confessing his love or his real identity, he'd choose confessing his real identity. That was more important. Geralt would eventually find out, so it was better that he heard it from the bard rather than someone like Yennefer.

She had found out when she was treating him after the djinn. Despite the appearance of them not liking each other, they had a mutual respect. 

Jaskier liked her a bit more once she confronted him and said she wouldn't tell Geralt. She knew it was his thing to tell him, not hers. 

He appreciated this. They still bickered like siblings, but they both knew it was never very serious. Geralt never picked up on this though, he still thinks they hate each other. 

Jaskier got up and walked around the town for a bit. When he got back to the tavern, Geralt was gone. He sighed as he went up to his room.

He laid down on his bed, curling up under the covers before letting tears stream from his eyes. The streams were constant as he had been holding them in for quite a while.

Eventually, Jaskier fell into a deep sleep. 

He woke up to not feel a comfortable bed beneath him but instead a hard ground. _Maybe I fell onto the floor_ , Jaskier thought. He didn't think much of it until he felt a small bag hit his face. 

It was the same way he was woken up the morning previous. He opened his eyes to find the same bag sitting on his chest. He was surrounded by woods. The same woods he was in yesterday.

Geralt broke him out of his confused state, "It's bread. You need to eat. We're leaving soon."

 _What the fuck?_ He thought.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geralt's eyes softened for a moment, "I'm...not great with expressing emotions, but I do care about you. Whoever that song was about, she must've really hurt you."
> 
> Oh. That was knew. Out of all the times they've had this interaction, this had never once happened. 
> 
> \--
> 
> Jaskier tries to finally break the curse after over a week of repetition.

Jaskier woke up on the same hard forest floor. It was the eighth time this same occurrence has happened. He woke up right before the bread was thrown, catching it before it made impact with his face.

Geralt looked at him with a look that translated to him being impressed. He made a light humming noise. 

Jaskier was quite proud of it. He only made the other man impressed or proud on very rare occasions.

In fact, throughout all the years they've traveled together, he could count all the times on one hand and still have fingers left over. That's how rare it was.

Most of the time Geralt spoke to Jaskier, it was to make a comment about him being annoying or telling him to shut up. The only good part for Jaskier about being stuck in this loop is to hear Geralt compliment his performance. 

It reminded the bard that Geralt doesn't completely hate him, especially after what happened on the mountain. 

That was going to be one of the times he was going to tell him. He was tempted to tell Geralt earlier, but he couldn't after what they thought happened to Borch. 

Geralt had blamed himself, and Jaskier didn't want to be responsible for making him feel worse. While it was said that witchers couldn't feel, Jaskier knew that was bullshit.

He was positive Geralt felt more than most humans did, he just never expressed it because he didn't know how. 

Geralt was so stubborn when it came to emotions. It once took Jaskier an hour to get him to say what he what town he wanted to go to next, so getting the witcher to talk about any emotions was the greatest challenge the bard has ever faced.

There had been some successes, but they were rare as well. 

"You're quiet." Geralt spoke as they walked the path, "That's unusual."

Jaskier was shocked Geralt was the first one to speak, "Would you like me to change that? Because, my dear witcher, there are many different ways I could entertain you with noises. All you have to do is say so." Jaskier winked at the witcher.

Geralt's face looked as if it flushed and turned a slight shade of pink, but that was probably just Jaskier's imagination. Despite what Jaskier thinks, he knows a witcher, especially his, does not blush. 

"I was just wondering if you were," Geralt paused, "Okay. You've seemed off these past few days"

Geralt didn't dare look down towards the bard. Jaskier didn't quite know why. It wasn't unusual for Geralt to look down from where he sat on Roach in order to catch Jaskier's eyes. 

Sometimes he would do it even if he wasn't talking. Jaskier could be singing, chattering, or even walking in completely quietly, and Geralt would still look to him, staring at him for a few minutes on and off as they walk.

Jaskier wondered if it was because Geralt thought he was just that fragile. That he would break at any moment. The thought almost made Jaskier laugh. If only Geralt knew. 

"Jaskier." Geralt said. 

"What?" Jaskier realized he hadn't answered him, instead getting lost in his train of thought again, "Oh right. Yeah, I'm doing fine. Besides there's no need to pretend to be worried, I won't slow you down or anything, and if anything, I thought you'd appreciate me shutting up for once. At least since that's all you possess the capability of talking about."

Jaskier knew his tone and words were too harsh. He saw Geralt flinch ever so slightly as the words left his mouth. 

He thought Geralt wasn't going to reply, but he did.

"That's not why I brought it up, Jaskier." He took a deep breath before speaking again, "I wasn't pretending."

The last part was so quiet Jaskier thought he imagined that as well.

Jaskier laughed dryly, not believing Geralt, "No offense, my witcher, but I don't believe you. If you are telling the truth, then you have a weird way of showing concern and care. I didn't know blaming your friend for everything wrong that's happened in your life was caring."

Regret washed over him once again as he looked over to see Geralt. Hurt was overwhelmingly present in his eyes.

He didn't mean to say that. They had moved past everything that happened on the mountain, so why was Jaskier still upset over it?

That was a question not even he himself could answer. A part of him was still pissed Geralt never actually apologized. Sure, he said it in his own way, but Jaskier thought hearing the words would've been nice.

Geralt had no reply to what Jaskier said, so they walked the rest of the time in silence yet again. 

They walked into the inn which had a tavern on the bottom of it. He walked up to the lady at the front and spoke as usual.

"May we have two rooms for tonight, my dear?" He said smiling. 

The woman blushed lightly, nodding as she went to get their keys. He turned to find Geralt looking at him, the same look of confusion and almost hurt never got easier to see.

She came back and handed them the keys. They then sat down at a table near the back. Those were always the tables Geralt liked the most, and Jaskier knew this. He could hide himself and not be bothered.

That blanket of quietness was heavy enough to suffocate them both. The only upside to it was Jaskier could plan what he wanted to say tonight. 

He stood up once again to perform as he had the past few nights. He prepared himself for what the man in the back was going to say. 

"Play us something sad for us, bard." Was a phrase Jaskier was now all too familiar with.

" _The fairer sex, they often call it,but her love's as unfair as a crook._ "

The words only got harder and harder everytime he sung them. He would occasionally look over to Geralt, and the other man was always watching him so intensely. 

Sometimes, he would think Geralt had figured it out and would immediately send him away as soon as the bard sat back down. He would think of how Geralt would be disgusted with Jaskier. 

At times, Jaskier was more afraid to confess his love rather than confess his actual identity, but then he would come to his senses and realize that was ridiculous. 

He finished playing and sat back down across from Geralt. He knew what Geralt was going to ask next, and yet it still always caught him off-guard. 

"That song. Who was it about?" Geralt asked.

"Why do you care to know?"

Geralt's eyes softened for a moment, "I'm...not great with expressing emotions, but I do care about you. Whoever that song was about, she must've really hurt you."

Oh. That was knew. Out of all the times they've had this interaction, this had never once happened. 

Jaskier felt a warmth spread in his chest as he felt himself soften, "Yeah, they did. Let's just keep it at that, alright?" His tone was almost dripping in sadness as he spoke.

Geralt didn't press any further and took another sip of his ale. He opened his mouth to speak, but Jaskier cut him off.

"Can I talk to you? In a more private setting?" Jaskier knew that Geralt was going to tell him about the hunt, so he wanted to get this over with, hopefully breaking the curse as well. 

Geralt only nodded, "I'll meet you in my room once I finish my ale."

Jaskier smiled lightly and stood up. His legs were shaking. There was no going back now. He made his way up to Geralt's room and collapsed on the bed as soon as he entered. 

He slowly sat up and put his head in his hands. They were shaking uncontrollably, and he took deep breaths in attempt to stabilize his breathing and hands. 

There was a slight knock at the door, and Jaskier immediately knew it was Geralt. It was little acts such as those that were so considerate and only made Jaskier fall deeper in love with him. 

Geralt walked in and looked at the bard, his facial expression almost unreadable, "You wanted to talk?"

"Yeah, yeah, I did. Uh, come sit." Jaskier cringed at himself, patting the space on the bed beside him.

The two men were now sat side by side. It was too much for Jaskier as he stood up and started pacing, his hands now visibly shaking again. 

"Right, so, I-uh-I-well-" His pacing became faster. 

Geralt stood up and lightly grabbed his arms. They were facing each other. Jaskier's arms rested in Geralt's hands.

Jaskier shook out of his grip, ignoring the hurt on Geralt's face at the action, "I'm sorry. It's just, can you sit down for this? You're going to want to be as far away from me once I say this." 

The witcher backed away from Jaskier, placing himself on the bed just as Jaskier requested. 

"Thank you. I, wow, I don't even know where to start. Fuck, this is hard. Why did I think this was going to be easy? I'm so fucking stupid. I-" Jaskier started to feel himself spiraling out of control.

Geralt cut him off, "Jaskier, breathe. No matter what you have to say, I'll still find you the annoying bard you are. Just start at the beginning of whatever it is"

Jaskier laughed lightly. He really did appreciate Geralt's attempt at a joke. He took a deep breath before starting to speak again.

"Right, beginning, okay. You obviously know I'm nobility. I mean, everything about me screams it, but there's been a secret in my family. One they tried to hide really hard, and I mean really really fucking hard." He took another deep breath, "My dad had an affair with a woman who he met at a tavern. She had been singing, and something about her was intriguing to my father, I guess." 

Tears were starting to appear in his eyes, blurring his vision as he continued, "My mot-my biological mother died after giving birth to me. Some freak of nature, they called me. They're not wrong, I'm the reason she's dead. My dad took me in after, but he was always so disgusted with me because they knew what my mother was, what I am."

"Jaskier, what are you saying?" Geralt asked quietly.

The stream of tears coming out of his eyes were now constant, "I'm not human, Geralt. My mother, she was a siren." Jaskier could see Geralt's visible frustration, "I'm so sorry, Geralt. I wanted to tell you so long ago, but I couldn't."

Geralt stood up at an insanely fast rate due to the anger bubbling inside of him, "So you lied to me? For the past two decades? That's how you fucking decide to handle this?" 

The witcher was yelling at the bard at almost full volume now. Jaskier's shaking had become so bad he felt as if he was going to pass out due to it. 

"Geral-" Jaskier tried.

"No. Don't talk to me right now. I need time to think." Geralt pointed to the door, "Get the fuck out. Right now."

Jaskier nodded, almost running out of the room. As soon as he got to his own, he crashed against the door, sliding down. The sobs could be described as wailing. 

He finally broke the curse, but at what cost? Losing the person he's been in love with for over the past decade? The person who he called his best, and only, friend?

He knew Geralt's reaction wasn't going to be good, but the borderline threat that was present in his speech terrified Jaskier to his core. What would Geralt have done to Jaskier if he stayed in the room against the witcher's wishes?

The bard used all his strength to push himself up and move to the bed. He tucked himself under the covers, his tears were still constant.

_At least I won't have to live this shit day all over again_ , Jaskier thought. He drifted off to sleep with that as his last thought.

He was awoken the next day to the feeling of the incredibility hard forest ground beneath him. The hard forest ground he has become all too familiar with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi ! so mayhaps i skipped quite a few days, but i thought it'd get too repetitive and boring. 
> 
> anyway i hope everyone enjoyed ! thank you to all of you who have left comments and kudos !
> 
> i'm not sure exactly how long this will be, but it's definitely a slow burn
> 
> until next time <3 :)
> 
> p.s. this was written at midnight once again while listening to the amazing devil on repeat so i'm really going through it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaskier thought fuck it and decided to just tell Geralt what he told him only last night. If something goes wrong, he'll just end up repeating the day over again, so what did he have to lose?
> 
> "Is one, or rather two apparently, bombshell too much, or is now a good time to tell you I'm not human?"

Jaskier slowly picked the bag off of his chest and sat up. He took a deep breath as he tried to keep the tears in his eyes.

Even a poet could not find the words to explain how excruciating and exhausting this experience this was.

"Ready to leave?" Geralt asked as Jaskier approached him. The only reply he got was a nod. A look of concern washed over Geralt's face, but Jaskier pretended he didn't see it.

He knew he slowed Geralt down as they were packing, but what did it matter if he was just going to just repeat this day all over again?

And so they set off down the same path Jaskier never wanted to see again. He'd been down it so many times he could point out every little detail that was there. 

His feet were starting to hurt again. He was positive there were blisters. The pace he walked at was slowing with every step he took.

Exhaustion was running through his veins. _How was this even possible?_ He thought. 

"Hey, Geralt?" He called out, "Can we take a quick break?"

Geralt opened his mouth, probably to tell Jaskier to stop complaining, but it immediately shut once he looked at the bard. 

Jaskier took that as a yes and sat down on a fallen tree by the edge of the woods. He put his head in his hands, a habit he's been doing way too much recently. He felt tears starting to accumulate in his eyes. 

He opened his eyes and looked to the sky, blinking fast. Geralt sat down beside him. 

Jaskier laughed, but the lack of amusement was clear, "How is this even possible? I mean I know of curses, I've had my fair share of them, but this? This is the worst by far."

"What are you talking about Jaskier?" Geralt said, confusion clear.

"This, I've done this all several times, and I have to say, I'm quite sick of this." 

Geralt considered Jaskier's words for a moment, still slightly confused, "Are you saying you've been cursed?"

"Indeed I am, my dear witcher. I've already lived this day about eight, now nine, times. How is that even possible?"

"Who's wife did you fuck this time?" Geralt's attempt at a joke made Jaskier genuinely smile. 

Jaskier laughed, "Surprisingly, no one's. No husbands either." 

"Oh. I didn't know you laid with men."

"Really?" Jaskier was shocked by that confession, "I enjoy fine company, Geralt. Why would I limit myself to only women? I'm astounded you didn't notice. I mean, truly, do you pay that little attention?

Geralt flinched at Jaskier's words. He meant for his tone to be lighter than it had been, but he still got no reply from the other man.

Jaskier thought fuck it and decided to just tell Geralt what he told him only last night. If something goes wrong, he'll just end up repeating the day over again, so what did he have to lose?

"Is one, or rather two apparently, bombshell too much, or is now a good time to tell you I'm not human?" 

Geralt felt like a statue beside him, "What?"

"Yeah, I told you last night, not like you remember, but let's just say you didn't take it very well."

Jaskier knew Geralt was probably fuming, so he stood up and started walking. He didn't get far before he felt a hand firmly grab his arm. Firmly enough to get a message across but not firmly enough to hurt him. 

"Do you mind telling me the fuck what you meant by that?" 

Jaskier shrugged, "I don't know what there's to say."

"You never shut the fuck up, but now is when you decide to be quiet?" The anger in Geralt's voice was clear, "Speak, Jaskier."

"I can't do this again, Geralt. It didn't work last time, so why would it work now? I shouldn't have said anything. Drop it," Jaskier's voice cracked, "please."

"What do you mean it didn't work?" Geralt's voice was softer this time.

Jaskier breathed deeply before speaking, "I tried this last night hoping it'd break this shit curse, but it didn't. The way you reacted wasn't so positive either."

"What," Geralt sounded somewhat scared, "what did I do?"

"Nothing what you might be saying. Let's just say it reminded me of memories of a mountain I'm not too fond of." Jaskier said, "You sent me away again. You said to be earlier that day how you wouldn't feel any differently. Well, your exact words were how you'd still find me annoying, but I merely read between the lines."

"Why did you think that'd break your curse?"

Jaskier was taken back for a moment, "You're feeling awfully inquisitive today, aren't you? The woman, who I'm just now realizing probably placed the curse, asked if what I wanted to tell you was what I desired to tell you most, and I said yes." 

Geralt was quiet, but Jaskier knew the question he wanted to ask.

"Siren." Was all Jaskier said, "I'm part siren. Long story short, my dad fucked a siren. Quite a Pankratz tradition to want people that they shouldn't." 

Jaskier knew the implications of saying that. His feelings for Geralt would surely be more obvious now, but Geralt was still quiet.

"Please say something." Jaskier was so quiet he almost didn't hear himself.

Geralt huffed, "I don't know what you want me to say. You had decades to tell me, but you lied."

"You had to understand why I did it. You hunt monsters like me. I didn't even really lie, you never asked me, so I never said anything."

"You could've told me." Geralt still sounded rightfully angry. 

Jaskier looked Geralt in the eyes, "And what? Have you shove me away again? Kill me?"

Geralt's eyes filled with hurt, "I would never do that" 

His voice was possibly the softest Jaskier has ever heard it. It was weak, trying not to break. 

"Why not? I'm a monster, Geralt." Jaskier paused, "I wanted to tell you so many times. I almost did on that mountain, and then you took all the anger you had built up out on me. For the first time, I was scared of what you'd do to me if I didn't leave right then. I didn't tell you because I was scared I'd lose you again."

Before Geralt could open his mouth to reply, Jaskier cut him off, "Let's just head to town, okay? Just pretend this never happened.

Geralt surprisingly dropped the subject, and they traveled the rest of the way in silence. It was becoming too common for them, and Jaskier hated it. 

When they got to the inn, Jaskier played again in the downstairs tavern. The same man stood up, getting ready to speak.

Jaskier spoke before the other man could, "Let me guess, something sad?"

"I thought you were a bard. You're supposed to be human, not a mind reader." The man laughed, but Jaskier could see Geralt freeze up in the corner of the room.

Jaskier laughed it off before he started,

" _The fairer sex, they often call it,but her love's as unfair as a crook._ "

Singing this song never got easier, especially with Geralt in the room. When he was done singing, he immediately ran up to his room. 

He crashed against the door, sliding down against it. The stream of tears pouring from his eyes once again. Jaskier was interrupted by a knock at the door.

He took a second to wipe his face and take a deep breath before he stood up, opening the door. His heart dropped when he saw Geralt standing there, a plate of cheese and bread in his hands.

"You didn't eat before you performed, so I brought you this." Geralt said, "It's not much, but you need it after the long walk today."

Jaskier's heart swelled at Geralt's gesture. Geralt never used words to say he was sorry, or that he cared, but he used gestures such as this. They were always so sweet and thoughtful. It's one of the reasons Jaskier's love for him was so strong. 

He smiled lightly and grabbed the plate from Geralt's hands, walking over to place it down on the table beside the bed. 

Geralt entered behind him and closed the door. He sat on the bed, and Jaskier sat down beside him, holding some bread and cheese in his hands, slowly eating it. 

Geralt spoke first, "I'm..sorry for how I reacted. I've known you as someone for so long, and it's weird to find out it was all a lie."

Warmth flooded through Jaskier's chest. Not only because of his apology but because of the word choice. He said _someone_ , not _something_. 

"You took it better than how I thought you would." Jaskier was silent for a moment before he continued, "If you'd like, I'll leave when I break the curse. I understand if you don't want to travel with me anymore." 

Jaskier was looking down at his lap. He slowly picked at the bread as he waited for a response. He could sense the hesitation from the other man. He nearly jumped when he felt a pair of arms wrap around him.

The embrace was at an awkward angle, but Jaskier moved to correct it, making it more comfortable. 

Geralt's head now rested in the crook of Jaskier's neck, "Please don't leave. I need you."

Jaskier almost thought he imagined it because of the quiet volume, but the movement of the head against his body assured him it was real.

"I guess you were telling the truth the first time." Jaskier laughed lightly, but it was genuine.

Geralt looked confused as he pulled away from the embrace, so Jaskier continued, "Yesterday when I tried telling you, you said you'd find me the annoying bard no matter what."

The witcher looked slightly regretful, "I don't" He paused, "only find you the annoying bard." He looked down at his lap. 

Jaskier's heart swelled once again, but Geralt spoke again before Jaskier could press any further, "How do you think you're gonna break this?"

"I'm not too sure. I already told you what I wanted to tell you most."

"What did you say to the woman? Exact words, Jaskier." Geralt said, intrigued. 

Jaskier tried his best to remember, "I believe she asked if it was what I wanted to tell you most after I said I wanted to repeat the day over and not cower out of telling you."

Geralt looked amused, "How do you always get yourself into such shit situations? It seems to be your greatest talent."

"You never fail to wound me with your words, my lovely witcher. Is my singing truly that bad?" Jaskier was about to go on for longer before he came to a realization, "Wait, so this means you think I have talent?"

Geralt rolled his eyes and tried to hold back a smile, "Don't get too ahead of yourself, bard."

"No, no, I'm never going to let you live this down." 

This interaction made Jaskier feel at peace. It felt more like the old them, not the them that were fighting on the path earlier today.

Geralt was about to open his mouth before a flash of realization flashed on his face, "Was that truly what you wanted to tell me most?"

"What are you talking about, Geralt." Jaskier was confused.

"Is there something else big that you're not telling me?" 

_No, no, no, fuck_ Jaskier thought, _it can't be that_. Jaskier thought hard before he answered, "It's not what I wanted to tell you most. This was."

"So there is something?" 

Jaskier didn't answer, so Geralt dropped it. Why did Geralt care so much? He never seemed to care much for Jaskier speaking before today, so what changed?

Geralt spoke once more, "You should get some sleep."

He nodded, moving to lay down. He felt Geralt get up to leave, "Don't leave. Please stay."

Geralt hesitated before laying down beside Jaskier. With that, he fell asleep at peace, feeling content. 

So his anger and exhaustion only worsened as he awoke to find himself in the same forest once again. The same forest he was in on that first day. 

He didn't have the strength to sit up before the tears came rolling out of his eyes at an uncontrollable pace.

_Why can't I fucking break it already_? He thought while in tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another update let's goooo. will i ever make a non-angsty chapter? it's as unlikely as me making yennefer straight and jaskier a human. 
> 
> i hope you all enjoyed! let me know what you think. a huge thanks to everyone who has left kudos/comments. i truly don't know how to reply to them, so if you've left one, just know i love you so much and really appreciate it.
> 
> p.s. i hope someone caught the merlin reference in chapter 1 + the song title. 
> 
> until next time <3 :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He thought back on Geralt's words last night. 
> 
> "Was that truly what you wanted to tell me most?" He had said. It couldn't be. He hadn't thought it was at least, but then again, the whole siren confession thing wasn't working out well too much for him.

The tears immediately started streaming as he woke up, slowly sitting up. Apparently Geralt didn't notice this and still threw the bread at him. It made contact with face, and Jaskier started laughing.

"This really is just my luck."

Geralt hurried over, sitting beside him "Jaskier, are you okay?" He sounded concerned. 

"Do I look okay? Actually, don't answer that." Jaskier said, "I have to go through this whole shite day once again."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm really getting tired of having this conversation, which is funny considering how annoyingly talkative I am."

That only seemed to confuse Geralt further. Jaskier doesn't think he's ever seen Geralt so confused so often as he has within these past few weeks. It wasn't an emotion Geralt often had, but when he did, it amused Jaskier to no end.

"Well, now that I think of it, there are three separate ones we had yesterday, and you didn't take the one too well at first. I've gotta say you're awfully oblivious for a witcher. You're quite bad at your job. Yo-"

"That's enough, Jaskier. Tell me what's going on." 

Jaskier started shaking as he began to ramble, "It's quite funny, you see. Long story short, I'm cursed to repeat this day until I tell you what I most desire. It's a really awful curse. Of all the curses I've been dealt, this is the worst. I do believe that would be a win in the sweet sorceress' life, but it still sucks nonetheless. I-"

Geralt cut Jaskier off once more, "What is it?"

"What?" 

"The thing you desire to tell me most."

Jaskier stared at him for a second, "Whatever I tell you, you have to promise not to get all Geralty." Geralt was holding back a smirk at the bard's new word, "Please." Jaskier said lightly,

"I..I promise." Geralt sounded hesitant, but Jaskier was shocked he agreed. 

"Fuck, this never gets easier. You'd think third time's the charm. Who came up with that? It's awful." Jaskier stopped his rambling and got to the point, "I'm part siren. Surprise?" His attempt at a joke failed as Geralt looked mad once again, but his eyes softened after a moment.

"Hm." 

The hum was neutral, Jaskier could tell that, and he was taken back, "That's..that's it? You had more of a dramatic reaction the past two times, so I expected it to be the same."

Geralt's eyes met Jaskier's, "I promised I wouldn't be mad or be all, as you said, Geralty." He was holding back a slight smile at that mention, "I'm not going to break that promise."

Jaskier smiled at him. The smile was one of the first genuine ones ever since he became cursed. 

"How did I react the other times?" Geralt broke the eye contact.

"No, don't do that. I'm not allowing you to do that to yourself."

Geralt turned his head back to Jaskier, an eyebrow raised. A silent question was hanging in the air, but Geralt didn't speak.

"Being your brooding self, always afraid of hurting people, especially me. You don't say it with words, but I know what you mean. I've dealt with your silence enough to decode it." Jaskier said, "You last reactions weren't the best," Geralt winced, "but you didn't hurt me. Well, physically at least. Despite your words, I know you would never do something like that."

Geralt nodded slowly, breaking eye contact again. He still looked as if he didn't believe Jaskier, "I don't really mean any of it. Emotions are...not the easiest for me to express." 

Jaskier's heart fluttered at his confession. Luckily, Geralt was sat mostly facing Jaskier, so the bard could easily reach him, wrapping him arms around his neck, putting his head in the crook of the other man's neck.

The embrace was less awkward than the one they shared last night, but it felt just as nice. Geralt froze before he softened into the hug, wrapping his arms around Jaskier. 

They sat like that for what felt like an eternity. Jaskier was the first one to pull back. He expecting for his eyes to meet Geralt's, but the other man's eyes were staring directly at the bard's lips.

Geralt's eyes went to Jaskier's eyes before shooting back down to his lips. It was all too much for Jaskier to handle. Before he could do something that'd make Geralt hate him, Geralt stood up quickly.

"We should get going." Geralt said. His voice was abnormally shaky.

Jaskier felt a pang in his chest at the rejection, only nodding in response. He didn't trust what might come out of his mouth if he spoke. 

Things were a bit more normal that day as they walked. Jaskier played his lute a bit as Geralt told him to shut up. Jaskier felt happy for the first time in a while, but it was ruined as soon as he remembered this wasn't going to last. 

He thought back on Geralt's words last night. 

_"Was that truly what you wanted to tell me most?"_ He had said. It couldn't be. He hadn't thought it was at least, but then again, the whole siren confession thing wasn't working out well too much for him. 

As they got to the inn, Jaskier still asked for two separate rooms. Geralt had seemed okay with it, but he knew the witcher was most likely on edge. They sat at the same table in the corner. 

They ate in a comfortable silence this time. Jaskier stood up to perform, smiling at Geralt before he left. To his surprise, Geralt returned the smile. It was the one reserved solely for Jaskier. The smile would always meet his eyes, his face full of fondness. 

It made Jaskier secure in the feeling that Geralt thought of him as a friend. 

"Play something sad for us, bard." The man yelled once again, face full of a smile.

"Ask, and you shall receive." Jaskier smiled, throwing a wink the man's way. The man's face flushed lightly before looking at the ground. 

Jaskier caught a glimpse of Geralt in the corner. He was gripping his cup of ale as he rolled his eyes. Geralt always had that reaction when Jaskier flirted with someone, but apparently he didn't know Jaskier liked the unfairer sex until yesterday. 

Geralt's reaction made Jaskier laugh as his chest filled with warmth and fondness. He began to play the song he had played here many times before. 

" _The fairer sex, they often call it,but her love's as unfair as a crook._ "

He finished off once again with Toss a Coin, and Geralt was bombarded with coins flying at him. Thankfully, none actually hit him very hard. It just made a flash of annoyance flood his face as he looked to Jaskier.

Jaskier sat back down smiling when he saw Geralt picking up the final coin from the table. His smile faltered a bit as Geralt opened his mouth to speak, "Who was that about?"

"Oh, you know, just another love that's off limits."

Geralt's eyes made contact with his, "Is? As in present tense?" His voice was very flat, and Jaskier could tell he was trying to control his emotions. The emotions witchers supposedly don't have.

"I misspoke?" Jaskier said, but it accidentally came out as a question.

Geralt tried to hold back a smile, "You can't even convince yourself of the lie yourself, bard. What taken woman has got you in her hold this time?

"Who said it's a woman?" The words came out of his mouth before Jaskier could stop them.

Geralt looked taken back for a minute. Jaskier cut him off before he could reply, "Let me guess, you didn't know I laid with men?" 

"We've had this conversation before, haven't we?"

Jaskier nodded, "I can't believe you didn't notice. As you once said, I'll fall in love with anything that walks, so why would I limit myself to only women."

"You make a fair point, so who was it about?"

"No, no." Jaskier shook his head with a wave of his index finger, "You're not getting that out of me, my lovely witcher."

Geralt's eyes softened with the name, but he still looked hurt that Jaskier wouldn't tell him, "The curse. Is there anything else you're not telling me? Maybe that's why you can't break it."

"Well, you just keep getting more chatty with every passing day, or rather loop. Perhaps I won't break it if that's the case." Jaskier was met with a blank stare, "I'm joking. Unless?" Another blank stare, "Fine, no."

"You woke up in tears this morning." Geralt said softly, too softly.

He flinched at Geralt's words, "Yes, I'm sorry about that."

"You don't have any reason to be sorry, Jaskier." 

Jaskier only nodded, "There is one thing, but I don't find it as important as, well, the other thing. At least I don't think I do."

"A curse can see your deepest desire, even if you don't think it is."

 _Fuck_ , Jaskier thought. He had to tell Geralt. It was worth a shot, especially since this day will only repeat tomorrow. 

"Can we not talk about it here?"

Geralt nodded, standing up. Jaskier followed him to his room. Fortunately, their food and drinks were already paid for. When they got to Geralt's room, Jaskier sat on the bed. Geralt followed suit and sat beside him, facing him slightly.

"When I first saw you in that tavern, it was like something was drawing me towards you. Even after then, we kept running into each other. I've never experienced anything like that. At first, I was following you only for the adventure, for the songs, but that quickly changed." Jaskier laughed slightly.

Jaskier looked to his lap before continuing, "I started to fall in love with you, even despite your horrible words to me. The small gestures you'd do would show me you felt differently." The first tear left Jaskier's eyes, "Like today, you kept your promise to me. Even after the mountain, I still loved you, and I do to this day."

The bard was now looking around the room, eyes on anything but Geralt, "You put up with so much shit of mine, and you're just so _kind_ to me with some of your actions, even when I don't deserve it. I guess it was only a matter of time before I fell in love with you and remain in it to this day." 

He finally turned to Geralt. The witcher's face was unreadable. Jaskier couldn't handle being rejected once again today. 

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything, but you won't remember this tomorrow luckily. I'm-I'm just sorry." Jaskier stood up quickly and left the room before Geralt could do anything. 

Jaskier hurried to his room, hoping Geralt wouldn't follow him. He was immediately flooded with regret. _Why the fuck did I do that?_ Jaskier asked himself. 

He went over and laid down on the bed, lute in his hand. He slowly started to play, composing a new song as he went. 

" _What's it like, the children ask? It's just like falling snow, I am above you,  
and I love you, don't you know that I'll be with you all along, as long as you are kind to those who are not strong and cannot find their scarlet welly boots._"

" _It’s not fair, it's not fair how much I love you.  
It’s not fair cos you make me ache you bastard._"

He sung, but he decided the latter would sound better in a separate song. Another song he wrote would be about Geralt. He wasn't lying when he said the witcher was his muse, people just didn't know how true it was.

It was his outlet for how he felt about the other man. He hadn't told anyone, but Yennefer once again found out. She had told him he should tell Geralt, but Jaskier was vocal with his disagreement. 

Yennefer didn't say anything though. She said she knew what it was like to have a love like that. Jaskier had thought she had meant Geralt, but he found that to be false at their last visit. 

She is in a relationship with another sorceress named Triss. The love they gave Jaskier hope that true, pure love does in fact exist, and it can be mutual. It's what he felt for Geralt, but those feelings were not requited. 

The feelings of unrequited love were his last as he slipped into a slumber, prepared to live this day all over again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops a cliffhanger on whether he broke it or not. still deciding on that. or am i? also yes, i did use another song from the amazing devil.
> 
> yes, yen is once again a lesbian in this. no one can stop me from making her gay and giving her a girlfriend. she just had a bad comp-het phase. 
> 
> i hope you all enjoyed this! thank you again to everyone who has left kudos/comments. i read every comment left, and they make my day. it gives me so much motivation, so thank you, i love you all.
> 
> until next time <3 :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, just sometimes, Geralt would look at Jaskier with an unreadable expression that was full of fondness, but Jaskier knew he was only seeing what he wanted to believe. 
> 
> And so here Jaskier was, worrying about how Geralt would've reacted if he hadn't ran out of the room last night. In all honesty, he didn't want to know. He wasn't sure his heart could ever recover after this. It would be the final straw.

Jaskier woke to find himself in the bed he fell asleep in. It took a minute to settle in. Holy shit. He's in the bed from last night. He was flooded with relief before the regret kicked in.

He told Geralt he loved him. Between the confession of him not being human and his love, Geralt surely wouldn't want him around now. Jaskier didn't blame him. 

He immediately started packing. He hoped he'd be able to slip out and leave before Geralt could leave. Jaskier couldn't stand to face even more rejection from Geralt. 

What Geralt had said on the mountain shattered a part of his heart that remains unfixed. It still feels like a part of him is missing. 

His mother once told him he gives away his heart to easily. Jaskier loved so strongly. He just had to much love and would give it to anyone that would let him.

That was probably why he felt as strongly for Geralt as he did. Geralt always refused the slightest bit of affection or love, so it just kept building up. 

Geralt thought of himself as a monster. Jaskier always tried to make him know otherwise, but his mind never changed. He just wanted Geralt to see himself as Jaskier did. 

Sometimes, just sometimes, Geralt would look at Jaskier with an unreadable expression that was full of fondness, but Jaskier knew he was only seeing what he wanted to believe. 

And so here Jaskier was, worrying about how Geralt would've reacted if he hadn't ran out of the room last night. In all honesty, he didn't want to know. He wasn't sure his heart could ever recover after this. It would be the final straw.

He should be relieved he's broken the curse, but all he can feel is fear and anxiety. 

Jaskier quickly picked up his things. Luckily, there wasn't much. He only really traveled with a pack and his lute. 

He made his way out the door and downstairs. He froze mid-way down the stairs when he saw Geralt. 

Fortunately for Jaskier, the Witcher was facing away from him. Jaskier slowly made his way down the stairs and through the door, careful not to make enough noise to alert Geralt. 

The plan certainly was not the best considering the other man was a Witcher who had heightened senses, but Jaskier still thought he was quiet enough to slip out. 

He realized he was very wrong when he heard his name called from behind him. He became still as rock when he recognized the voice as Geralt's. He turned around to see the other man slowly approaching him. 

"Hey, Geralt. How are you on this fine morning? I'm doing wonderfully. I was just," He paused to find an excuse, "getting some nice fresh air."

"Is that why you were in such a hurry to leave without me noticing?" Geralt said despite knowing the answer. 

Jaskier's mind ran fast as he was trying to come up with a lie good enough to fool a Witcher, "I didn't want to disrupt you?"

"Is that a question or an answer, bard?" Geralt looked almost amused by how horribly Jaskier was handling this. 

In Jaskier's defense, he could never think straight when it came to Geralt.

"Yes." Jaskier cringed at his awful response, "Fine. In all honesty I was going to leave." 

Geralt looked visibly hurt at the confession, "We should talk about what you said last night." 

Jaskier flinched as if he had been burned, "What's there to talk about? Let's just pretend it didn't happen."

"I can't do that." Geralt's voice sounded weak, almost wanting, "Please."

"Okay," Jaskier breathed deeply, "but not here."

Geralt nodded before turning around to walk back into the inn, Jaskier following him. He was led to Geralt's room again, the same as last night. He felt a burning in his throat at the memory of last night. 

As soon as the door closed behind Jaskier, Geralt looked as if he was holding something back. Geralt always did that around Jaskier. 

He always held back, and Jaskier hated it. Jaskier just wanted Geralt to be honest. He just wanted Geralt. 

"Did you mean it?" Geralt's voice was quiet once again. 

His voice has been like that the past few weeks, and Jaskier didn't know why, and he certainly has not gotten used to it. 

"You're awfully dense, Geralt." Geralt just stared at him, offering no reply, so Jaskier continued, "Of course I meant it. I meant every word of it."

"How?" Was the only reply Jaskier got after a few moments of silence.

"What?"

Geralt took a deep breath, "I'm a monster, Jaskier. How could you fall in love with me?"

Jaskier's felt a physical pain in his chest at the other man's words, "Do you really think so little of yourself, my dear Witcher?"

He immediately regretted the overly affectionate name as soon as it left his mouth, but Geralt only seemed to soften at the use.

"Even if I didn't have these mutations, I treat you terribly, Jask." Geralt was looking anywhere but at Jaskier, "The things I say to you, I don't mean them, but I still say them."

"Geralt, I know you don't mean them. That's why I stay with you." Jaskier said softly, "You show me you care with your actions. That means way more to me than any of the hurtful words you say."

It wasn't entirely a lie. Geralt's actions spoke a thousand times more than any of his harmful words could. The Witcher was so shut off and had so many walls up that he would say those things to avoid getting hurt.

Jaskier has known this for a while. Sure, he was hurt by his words, but that was inevitable. 

"And if you're remembering correctly, I'm way more of a monster than you are." Jaskier's laugh was dry as he tried to lighten the moment just a bit, failing at his attempt. 

Geralt finally looked up to him as he spoke, "You're not a monster, Jaskier. You could never be one in my eyes." 

Jaskier's chest was filled with so much warmth it was overwhelming. They were standing on opposite sides of the room, and Jaskier desperately wanted to change that, but he didn't.

Geralt was the first one to move, slowly walking closer and closer to Jaskier

"Why were you going to leave this morning?" Geralt asked.

"I thought you wouldn't want me here anymore. I would understand if you don't, especially after everything I dropped on you last night. Leaving without saying goodbye would've been less painful then your rejection." 

Jaskier took a deep breath, continuing once again as Geralt watched attentively, significantly closer to him than before, "I can't lose you, Geralt, not again."

"And so you were going to do exactly that? Leave?"

Geralt did make a good point, Jaskier thought.

"I can't lose you due to rejection again. I thought this would be the last straw for you." Jaskier said, now being the one looking anywhere besides the other man, "Can we just not talk about this? I get you don't feel the same, but y-"

Jaskier was cut off with hands cupping his face. A pair of lips were suddenly pressed against his. He gasped into the kiss. They stayed like that for quite a while, lips moving against one another's. 

Geralt broke it first, resting his forehead's against Jaskier's, "I.." He paused.

Jaskier knew this was hard for him. Geralt was raised to not express his feelings.

"It's okay, you don't have to say it back, Geralt."

Geralt pulled back far enough, so they were now staring into each other's eyes, "I want to, Jaskier. You deserve to hear it." He paused for a moment, "I love you." He breathed out.

Jaskier brought his hands up to cup Geralt's face, rubbing a thumb over the other man's cheek. Geralt leaned into the affectionate touch.

"I know, my lovely Witcher. I love you too." He pressed their lips together once again.

Jaskier now knew what was mixed into those golden eyes along with the fondness. For once, he was happy for being cursed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another fic done !! thank you to everyone who has read this!! i enjoyed writing it so much.
> 
> i have even more planned out and will probably start writing them sometime this week. i hope you all enjoyed it and are doing well !!
> 
> until next time <3 :)

**Author's Note:**

> will i ever write Jaskier as a human? no. it's unlikely.
> 
> anyway i hope you all enjoy !! i'm starting this one at midnight much like i did my previous fic.
> 
> feedback is appreciated !! 
> 
> thank you for reading <3 :)


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